


Question Dared not Asked

by Tommyboy



Category: The Sentinel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-09
Updated: 2010-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommyboy/pseuds/Tommyboy
Summary: Between Jim and Blair, post TS by BS





	Question Dared not Asked

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Questioned dared not asked

 

Rolling over in his bed, Blair tried to fight the feelings to wake up. He didn't want to wake up. He wanted to sleep. But he was losing the battle. The winter sun was shining into his small room, giving him the false sense that it was actually warm outside. Even keeping his eyes closed tightly it didn't chase the feeling away. Blair had lost the battle he was now awake.

 

Rolling once more he looked at his digital clock to read 10:14. 

 

"Well I got to sleep in," Blair said out loud remembering what Jim had told him last night that he could sleep in for he would have the loft all to himself as he covered a twelve hour shift. The loft was his, alone, till Jim came home. Jim wasn't due back till after six. 

 

Blair had agreed with him, it was only fair to those with family. "If you had family, you would want to be home to see their gifts being opened from under the tree. Have a big meal with friends that stopped by." Sandburg listed off. Little did he know how much he wanted know see that same picture scene in his life. But alas, he hadn't seen that scene, and doubted seriously he would see it any time in his future. 

 

Jim and Rafe took on the day shift, while Joel and Turner were taking the night shift. Simon had been lucky enough that his son had asked to spend some time with him during the holiday before leaving with Joan to see her folks out east over New Years.

 

Jim had told Blair last night that all he planned on doing was using the computer to see how many hands of solitaire he could win in that period of time.

 

"Merry Christmas," Blair said out loud, just to hear his own voice in the silence of the loft.

 

As he stood, he pulled the top comforter around his shoulders, dragging it with him as he went into the living room. Knowing his friend, the heat was still turned down so the air would be a bit nippy for his personal tastes.

 

Trudging into the kitchen he turned on the coffee maker. 

 

Standing in the kitchen, Blair idly looked around the loft. They had done some decorating for the holidays, expecting to host one of the impromptu parties that usually happened during the season. Gatherings were after work during the few weeks of the holiday as a way of sharing their household with friends and co-workers. They had yet to have anyone over; waiting till Blair was done with schooling for the semester.

 

The tree stood by the patio doors, decorated in craft ornaments that Blair had picked up at a fair. His menorah sat on a small table. Garland wrapped its way up the handrails to Jim's bedroom. Here and there Christmas trays and candleholders were spread throughout, adding additional Christmas motif to the room. 

 

"Wish I was in South America, buried deep in the jungle, away from all this," Blair mumbled to himself.

 

He didn't know why he felt like this, sad, depressed. This Christmas wasn't what he expected.

 

"Because you want something you can never have Blair," Blair answered himself. 

 

The coffee finished draining into the carafe. He poured it into his favorite large mug, the one that Jim had bought him not long ago. He smiled at the memory of when he found it on the counter that bitter morning. Blair had had a bad day at the university and was hurrying around the kitchen when he had broken his previous mug. Jim had bought it as a replacement, a simple task to perform for a friend. 

 

He made his way to the couch and wrapped the comforter around himself to keep warm.

 

Blair didn't bother turning on the television. All he would be able to find is Miracle on 34th street, A Christmas story, and it's a Wonderful Life, none of which suited his mood.

 

Sitting back he again looked at the decorated tree. It wasn't right. He had tried but still it wasn't right. So much had happened in the last year. He still wondered if he was making the right choices, choosing the roads that would lead him to the next level.

 

"I don't know," Blair shook his head, he still didn't know. 

 

Blair had realized that he couldn't write the Sentinel dissertation, between Brackett and Alexis, he knew he couldn't do it. The fall semester was spent getting the topic changed and getting the first half of the dissertation written. Who would have thought that his police observations would come in handy? He taught two classes and worked his butt off to get what his committee wanted from him. 

 

And Jim. The distance that gaped like a chasm between them after Alex nearly tore him apart. He tried to make it better but Jim resisted. The deep trust they had never quite returned.

 

Blair finished his coffee and put the mug on the coffee table. He continued to sit on the couch, cocooned in the warmth of his comforter.

 

Naomi was out of country. If he admitted it, she was avoiding; avoiding him and his roommate cop. She still didn't like him living with a 'pig' nor riding and helping them on a regular basis. 

 

"I'm alone, so fucking alone," Blair mumbled out. Tears threatened to come, but he refused to let them fall.

 

Getting more comfortable in his wrap, he started the slow assent into meditation. He could find a space where he could forget what was around him.

 

* ** ** * ** ** *

 

Jim pulled into his spot before the warehouse that he called him. He was tired. A twelve-hour shift of nothing took more out of him than having a heavy caseload. Wound up Rhonda had a list of things for them to do for the day. She had them moving, filing and straightening the bullpen.

 

Getting out of the truck into the cold night air, he quickly made his way to the foyer.

 

He reached out to check on Blair. It was automatic to do, looking for his presence, making it feel like home.

 

The beat he found was slower than normal but steady. Jim recognized this to be Blair's heartbeat for meditation.

 

Walking up the stairs he let his mind reflect to the past year. It had been a rough year. Meeting another Sentinel nearly had done both him and Blair in. Heck, Blair died because of her, and came back. But things had not been the same.

 

He lost something in the translation of things. He lost Blair, the one he loved, the one he fell in love with.

 

Jim shook himself out of that thought. Things change.

 

Unlocking the door, he stepped into the darkened room. The stale coffee hung in the air. The absence of heat made him aware that something wasn't right.

 

Hanging up his coat, he walked over to Blair, looking at him in his trance state. Jim kneeled before him and gently touched his cheek. If Blair was not too far under, he would feel Jim next to him.

 

After a minute, Jim realized that Blair was not responding to him being there next to him.

 

Jim sat back thinking what he should do. He was tired but he didn't want Blair out in his little world.

 

A flashback comes to Jim:

 

*Jim with Blair at the hospital after the drowning.

 

Blair: (laughing) I can't believe this. Einstein said the greatest experiences we can have are the ones with the mysterious. We are definitely there, my brother. Come on in, man. The water's nice. 

Jim: Chief, I don't know if I'm ready to take that trip with you. *

 

Jim knew there were so many meanings behind that phrase. Come on in, the water's nice. He wanted to, but he was afraid.

 

"Come on Chief, where are you?" Jim asked under his breath. He dug through the comforter to find Blair's hand. Pulling it out, he put it between his hands. Taking a cleansing breath, he ran through his mind what Blair had taught him. He was following Blair in.

 

* ** * ** ** *

Blair was relaxed. The warm sun touched his skin, warming him to his core. He loved this place. 

 

The stream ran through the meadow, which was in bloom. Blair had discarded his clothes and lay on the ground, for once letting himself be completely lazy. 

 

The wolf had come to him and lay beside him.

 

"Man, it's been a while since I've seen you." Blair smiled as the wolf dropped down beside him. The wolf licked Blair in the face in greeting then settled down to rest.

 

Blair closed his eyes to feel the warmth. He needed to rest too.

 

** *

 

Jim found himself in the woods. He wondered where he had to go then settled himself to reach out with his senses, finding Blair like he normally did.

 

He found his heart beat along with another's. Looking into the direction of the heartbeat he let his site piggyback and he saw Blair lying with the wolf.

 

After he let his sight and hearing return to normal, he found he was not alone himself. A black panther was watching him. Jim nodded to the cat and then started off in Blair's direction.

 

"There you are." Jim put a light tease into his voice.

 

Blair sat up and struggled with what he wanted to say. He was looking for something to cover up with and surprised that Jim was there, on his meditative plain.

 

"How did you get here?" he asked as he sat up and brought his knees up to cover himself.

 

"I tried to bring you out but you didn't even move, so I thought I'd follow you."

 

"Follow me? Why?" Blair asked.

 

Jim dropped to his knees in front of Blair. The panther went to the wolf and lay down next to his friend. "It's Christmas. I wanted to spend some time with you."

 

Blair lowered his head, letting it rest on his knees. 

 

"What's wrong Cheif?" Jim reached out to touch him, but Blair shrugged it off.

 

The wolf sat up and bared his teeth at Jim. He sat back not knowing what was going on around him. "Blair?"

 

Raising his head he reached out to calm his furry friend. "That's why I'm here. I don't want to be there to celebrate Christmas." He stroked the fur of the wolf. "I have very little to be thankful for this year. Really it's not even my holiday."

 

Jim moved his legs to sit more comfortably. "In the past ..."

 

Blair cut in, "I've gone along with it because things were cool. I was happy. This year, I've lost too much. I lost you, and my mom is staying away from me. I had to change my dissertation to keep you safe, I'm so tired of being sick. The one thing I want I'll never get so..."

 

"What do you want? If you don't ask, how do you know?" Jim asked.

 

"Because, you gave me your answer already." Blair continued to look at the wolf. "You showed me in action man. It's like a dead subject in my book."

 

"I'm asking you now, what do you want? Ask me again."

 

Blair looked over to Jim. Jim noticed in his eyes that they looked bleak, lacking any of the shine that made him what he was. Blair answered back, "I can't ask again."

 

"Then I'll ask for you. Come on in, man. The water's nice." The panther took notice of the questions and looked from Jim then to Blair. 

 

Jim leaned forward as did Blair. Their lips touched for their first kiss. Blair was the first to open his lips, drawing Jim closer. Jim reached out, touching Blair's cheek as he explored his mouth. They closed off the kiss and Jim pushed Blair back down onto his mat, starting another kiss.

 

Blair took what was given and gave back to Jim. Seeking hands pulled Jim's shirt out of his pants and explored the flesh beneath. He rubbed his swollen cock against Jim's jeans encased cock. Blair moaned at the contact.

 

Pulling back, Jim took a deep breath. "Chief. Blair. I would really like to do this back at the loft. Please?"

 

Blair looked around them. They were still at the meadow with the stream running by. He felt warm, warm enough to be naked with no chill running through him. "Can we do it here first?"

 

Jim was about to debate the fact that they were in a different state of mind here, but the look on Blair's face made him keep quiet. Slowly he started to take off what Blair had started to unfasten and soon stood before Blair.

 

Blair was lying back once more, admiring the Jim's body. Jim dropped to his knees and moved up to lie beside him. They started kissing once more and let their hands wonder.

Jim ran his hands continuously through the soft hair of Blair's chest and stomach. Blair fingered Jim's nipple and tugged on the hard nub.

 

After some more exploring, Jim pulled Blair to lie on top of him, their cocks aligned.

Blair looked down at Jim questioning what they were doing. 

 

"Neither one of us have lube to penetrate, but that is not the only way to make love." Jim took firm hold of Blair buttocks and drove his hips forward, moving against Blair. 

 

Blair moaned when their cocks moved against each other. Jim closed his eyes, relishing the feeling. He set up a slow rhythm. Blair got into it and added his own thrust to the growing tension.

 

Blair held his upper body up, giving him leverage to grind harder. Jim moaned with the stimulation. Blair continued to thrust against Jim. He was close. They both were panting with their need.

 

Blair closed his eyes when he felt his release. He knew it was going to come fast. 

Jim opened his eyes when he sensed Blair was coming, watching Blair as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Blair screamed "Jim," as he cock released its fluid between them. Jim used the extra lubrication to glide against Blair, still holding him close to gain the friction. After several thrusts, Jim came.

 

Jim continued to hold Blair close while they recovered. Jim ran his hand through Blair's hair, while he rested his head on his chest. 

 

This is what they needed. They needed to connect. Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

 

"Chief?" Jim asked.

 

"Yes." 

 

"I really want us to do this. It's time we stopped fighting this and learn to embrace this."

 

Blair brought himself up to look down at Jim. "It won't be easy."

 

"When has something been easy?" Jim asked. "I'm the one who's had it easy if you think about it. It's you that had to sacrifice so much. It's my turn to step up."

 

Blair nodded and resettled into Jim's embrace.

 

Sometime later they got up and washed off in the warm stream and found their clothes. Their spirit animals were watching them from their positions in the meadow.

 

"How do we get back Chief?"

 

Blair takes Jim's hand closes his eyes. Jim follows suit, finding that he mimics slow breathing. Soon he finds the change in air and sounds. He opens his eyes to find that they are back in the loft.

 

Blair has opened his eyes and is looking down at Jim's crotch. Jim looks down as sees what he is feeling, wet sticky pants. Jim's sense of smell tells him Blair is in the same condition.

 

Jim leaned over and kissed Blair. "Merry Christmas," he whispered.

 

Blair gave a shy smile. "Merry Christmas."

 

Jim kept a hold of Blair hand while he stood up. "Let's share a shower and see what we can for dinner."

 

"Or skip dinner and see what we can find later." Blair commented.

 

"Perhaps."


End file.
